And when the Grumpy Vegan thinks it can’t get any worse at The Graun … well, it does! Try this for laughs.
Dear Mr & Mrs Vegetarian,
I’ve just spent a week amongst your brethren, and I can honestly say I’ve not eaten so poorly in years. Now, before the more militant amongst you swing into action, let me first just tell you how sorry I am.
Yes, sorry. I’m sorry I’ve mocked you in the past. Sorry for the endless jokes about your pale skin, your brittle bones and your bad breath. Sorry for unfavourably comparing your diet to that of some wretched classroom hamster. Sorry for laughing when we’ve gone out for dinner and the only thing you could safely order from the menu was some kind of cheese and eggplant afterthought. Sorry for all the times I gleefully rattled on about mung beans and lentils and nut roasts. Sorry. It won’t happen again.
It really can’t be easy being you.
Seriously. I’m full of admiration. While the meat-eating majority carry on ploughing through flesh as if last orders at the abbatoir have just been called, you’ve forgone one of life’s truly great pleasures. I don’t know why you did this: perhaps you think raising animals for slaughter is simply cruel. Perhaps you just don’t like meat (I suspect you’ve never tried duck foie gras with caramel custard, but I guess it’s probably too late to tempt you). Perhaps you’re doing this for the greater good, you know, to help ‘Save The World’. All of these are valid reasons.
This journalism, well, it’s Fraser Lewry’s blog, “Word of Mouth,” starts with
Vegetarianism: my week without meat. It was World Vegetarian Week last week and in an act of selfless bonhomie Fraser Lewry spent seven meat-free days …
And ends with four reasons why he can’t cut it as a vegetarian: (1) Fake meat; (2) The Raw Food Movement; (3) Lack of choice; (4) The foreign country conundrum.
As it happens, the Grumpy Vegan agrees with the author about #1 because fake meat is awful and #2 he also agrees with but not as strongly. But what’s with #3 and 4?
There’s no lack of choice in the Grumpy Vegan’s household. If anything, there’s too much choice as is clearly demonstrated by the expanding waistline of yours truly. And the foreign country conundrum is based upon one trip abroad….to Norway.
So, why is The Graun and Fraser Lewry wasting our time publishing this crap?
